So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
