I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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