if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
