she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
why is half of my head shaved?
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