Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You need a sexual gate keeper
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
