he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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