i think my mom watched the whole time
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
