She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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