I wish I could teleport
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
