We're like a lot better than the average bears
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
