There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
