i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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