Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize
