just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
