My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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