...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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