I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
