she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize