Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
