i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
