You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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