Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
