just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
