are you so shy because you have an std?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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