You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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