I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
