I wish my penis had an off switch
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
