what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
