:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
