Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
