Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
