Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
