I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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