I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
