I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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