Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
