You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
