Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
