you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
