8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
