it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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