I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
