He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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