at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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