either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I had to cum in my sink.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
