She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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