I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
