So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
false alarm. still invincible.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
