All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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