i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Randomize
