my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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