I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
