And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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