So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
