In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
